It happened so suddenly
In the shortest of an instance
The piercing pain ran through my body
Everything faded out at once
Even through the din around there
I could hear you calling out to me
Are you really around me now
Or is it a part of my fantasy
I held on for that one moment
Through every second of pain
Just waiting for you to come
Waiting to hear your voice again
My mouth was open as I tried
To tell you all that I wanted
Of the love felt all this time
Fears of separation which haunted
But as the tears flowed freely
While my voice completely choked
I struggled to tell you everything
All the passions you had evoked
Cuddled up in between your arms...
My last smile I just smiled
Holding you for that one final time
I smiled and then I ... died....
Ok... first thing... all is normal...
this poem is more of the things I had felt thought while reading about soldiers and all, their last moments, while they feel that its the end and miss their beloved. Somehow tried to capture the last moments.
I can maybe add Shrikanth poem of the homecoming soldier as a reference for here. Some stories, as they say, are not meant to go all the way.
your views on it are welcome :-)
Disclaimer - In no way do I wish to even remotely demean the brave soldiers who fight for us in hostile conditions. My best wishes with them always for a long and peaceful life.
Superb Niki!!!! Very touching and u have portrayed the feelings aptly.....:))
ReplyDeleteVery touching and extremely well-written, Nikhil..
ReplyDeleteI liked the last stanza the most. :)
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Well put down, felt the time stopping by in the first two verses..Seems like the other brother of my poem, the "not all ends well" one. Thanks for the ref.
ReplyDelete@Ashu
ReplyDelete:-) thanks for the kind words :-)
I hope the feelings matter to those who are really suffering and going through all this.
@Yash
ReplyDeletethanks buddy. Last stanza is my favorite too.
Read your post and promoted. well written review.
@Shrikanth
ReplyDeleteI tried to paint the picture of the final moments, both from my own experiences and from what I have heard. Good to see you liked it.
In a way is the brother of your poem, which if you ask me, points to is a very desirable outcome :-)
Wow, the only thing better than the poem was the write up and the dedication.. really melted me dude...
ReplyDeleteAwesum read :)
@R-A-J
ReplyDeletethanks dude.
Dedication was needed since we see the utter waste of such fine people on the frontlines.
OH MY GOD. Almost brought tears to my eyes as I drank in the words and saw the images.
ReplyDelete@Sri
ReplyDeleteI hope those tears matter in the long term and we are able to avoid such situations bro.
tHIS IS WONDERFUL! good JOB!
ReplyDelete@AdiSin
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words bro. I am sure your blog is a treat too. Read your profile :-)
Amazing ... heart touching.
ReplyDeleteThis is just amazingly out of d world write u.!!Trust me i'v read ths so many times.Ths is so so great !! :)
ReplyDelete@Aakash
ReplyDeletethanks bro :-)
@Mini
ReplyDeleteThanks.... yes I trust that you read the poem multiple times :)
You reached the last moments' pain......so truly...amazing.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Mohinee - Thank you... I tried to capture their feelings in words as much as possible...
ReplyDeleteLovely poem. I now feel like repeating this exercise myself (of writing of someone's last breaths)
ReplyDelete@Marita - for a moment you got me on the repeating exercise part :-)
ReplyDeletedo share the results of your exercise
Hi Nik amazingly written piece. Could feel the pain and hope and in the end the acceptance. Hope i too will be able to reach the place where u have 1 day
ReplyDeleteThanks Phoenix... you praise me too much though... your writings are also enjoyable :-)
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